Archive for September, 2009

In one of my classes.
I wouldn’t say I like him or anything, I honestly don’t even know him. But I’ve always been drawn to him. I’ve always wanted to talk to him.

(Disclaimer: I don’t stalk him. But this might come off as a little creepy. Just a liddo.)

I went to ask him for a quarter today and he looked up at me, and he looked…so innocent. And he dug around in his pockets and then he spoke to me and almost in what seemed like a whisper replied “I don’t have a quarter, I have a dollar though.” I smiled and told him that I didn’t want to take his dollar. I wish I had more to say. I wish he would have given me a story about how he got that dollar or why he didn’t have a quarter. Anything to keep him talking. Because his voice…Theres just something about his voice. I’ve never heard him speak before really and it came as a suspire to me.

You can tell at first sight that he’s probably Arabic or some sort of Indian. And I don’t know I guess I just expected it to be rougher or him to be angry or something but his voice was so sweet and sincere. Everytime I picture it in my head I see his small lips and his smooth face around his chin area and it’s like the words moved around his lips, not like he forced the words to come out of his mouth. I’ve never looked at a guy like that before. Usually, I’m like “dang he’s so good looking” or something but when I look at this guy all I can think is…”what a beautiful person”.

And that’s when I realized, that theres beauty in everyone because everyone was made in the image of Christ! The way God creates people is amazing because we’re all so unique and complex and every strand of us is utterly beauty. I see Christ through this guy, and it’s ironic because he’s muslim. I just want to speak to him, I feel lead in a way to just go “God has made you a beautiful person.” I feel that this isn’t an attraction. I feel that I can minister to him, and I pray that eventually I will lead him to Christ. It’ll be a challenge but all things are possible through Christ. and I think that my ultimate goal in this is growing closer to God in the process and just simply looking for Jesus in everyone.


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07. the longer I run

I’ve never been one for camping, or naturey adventure but I miss the mountains oh so much.

I felt safe there, and I knew I was in the midsts of God & he was there with me. I felt so close to Him and now I am thrown back into the world, it’s a shame to call this place “home” when it holds nothing of value to me. It’s a hard battle, but I will not let temptation get the best of me. I will not succumb to this world any longer.

Ah, but yes. Today was (for lack of a better word) AMAZING. Sure, I woke up a little late but I came and sat in the cafe and me and my good friend just read our bibles and talked about it and God.-I thank the Lord for her wholeheartedly. She’s a beautiful person and a great friend. I’m grateful that she is my shoulder to lean on so we can stay standing in the fight with the world and we can uplift each other in Christ. -And we did the same thing at lunch and all this stuff was going on around me. The 30 man table behind me had cuss words flowing out of their mouths like water. And instead of letting it go I felt sick at the world…how do you live like that? Why do you live like that?

When we were leaving the cafe after lunch I was drawn to this bulliten board that I pass every single day but never pay any mind to it and my attention was set upon this piece of paper and I read it and it was about God. Long story short the paper read that there was this bible study, I guess you could say, going on every Monday at 11:10-12:00 at school. Monday is the only day I have a long break in between my classes. How convenient, I thought. But then it hit me. GOD WANTED ME TO SEE THAT! So naturally me and my friend were just too happy/excited/overjoyed for the rest of the day. I literally could not stop smiling, how awesome is He!

I can’t wait for God to transform me into a totally new person. I can’t wait to have that close relationship with Him and I can’t wait to be happy all the time and reverence him for all He is doing for me! It’s great!

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Written: 2009 Sept. 26
Gatlinburg, Tennessee
4:28 PM

I’m sitting in a triangle room on the top of a mountain in Tennessee. The only technology I’ve brought is my cellphone. No computer, no iPod, no MP3. Things this generation supposedly “can’t live without”. And here I am living..with 10 others and I’m so much at peace..Just thinking about the glory of God and all his wonderful creations from the obvious beauty of nature

or maybe it’s the way God placed that twinkle in Chantal’s eye
or the heart in Nelson’s laugh
or how he blessed us all with the ears to hear the sincerity in Shellie’s cry…it was reaching out to us-to reach out to Him

All he wants is for us to just lay ourselves down, truly give ourselves over to Him so He shall use us for His will. I’m dying to be used (almost literally).

I was sitting here reading my bible-something that I’m shamefully not used to-and I turned into the contets and I looked up the word “love” and I scanned trhough the hundreds of scriptres pertaining to love and I decided I’d start at the beginning of the 7th chapter of Deut. As I read I was moved by verse 6:

“For you are a people of holy the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession.”

That was just amazing to me and I feel like the Holy Spirit moved me to come write about this:
In life everyone wants to be accepted, they want to make the football team or varsity cheerleader or marching band captain. We want to be chosen for a raise on our jobs or be that guy who your boss brags about. We all just want to be chose and here it clearly says, in the Bible that God has already chosen us! He wants us on his team! We’re the ones who decide whether to join or not. Not everyone is going to Heaven, its a fact and God has chosen these special people to inhabit the earth and go out and teach everyone about His love and mercy. At the end of the day….it’s not us that matter, it’s all about Him.

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Just finished my english essay.

It’s 6:46 AM. Went to be around 3 AM, woke up around 5:40 AM. Realized I was working on the wrong essay all night and had to start all over completely at about 5:50 AM. Read an hour long speech in about roughly…10 seconds tops, I’d say.

Welcome to the college life, I reckon. C’ste la vie.

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I think I know what I want to do with the rest of my life. Okay okay, feel free to laugh it up because I know that I change my mind more than the average American teenager changes their FaceBook status update, but just hear me out.

I want to film. I discovered this years ago but I realized that this is a really good ambition. I don’t know the figures or numbers I’ll be rolling into but if it’s whats God is calling me to do then he will get me through the year financially. I believe. Film is such a beautiful expression of art and words. I just want to make a music video with my friends of a song I really like pretty much every weekend. The thing I love about film is that it leaves things open for interpretation. I think this is what God wants me to do because I have this incredible gift of seeing a movie play out in my head every time I listen to a song, every time I hear a beat, every time I get inspired by looking at people talk in the cafe at school (Oh, that’d be a good shot-I think).Film also combines a lot of things I’m interested in like graphic designing, computers, being creative, writing and music. I want to do it all, I can do it all. Through my videos I can reach millions, I can say the things that can’t be said. So feel free to buy me a Nikon D90, thanks.

I want to write an amazing story, or an amazing screenplay that tampers with the emotions of everyone who watches it. I want to suck them in and make them lose sight of themselves for an hour and a half or so. I want people to see things they never would have seen before in themselves, and in other people. I want to change people through my words and through my stories if only for a moment. I want to make them feel something they’ve never felt before.

Everything has a story and I’d tell it if only I had the words.

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03. s’il vous plaît

I’m a whiner and a complainer.

A full time procrastinator and I work part-time as a slacker.

(Yes, I do work overtime).

I love words and words attached to melodies.

I love sounds and lights and cities at night.

I drive barefoot and I’m a big fan of clutter.

I believe the greatest natural born gift is wit.

I love observing crowds of people and thinking.

I like thrift stores and never matching.

I’m kind of big on sentimental value, kind of small on work ethic.

I’m for lack of a better word, a designer.

Creative mind, all the time.

I am many things, but I am nothing at all.

I am poor with nothing to give but I’m saving all my love for you, and you and You.

I don’t believe in abortion or divorce or the death penalty but I do believe in a thing called love.

This is me. Take it or leave it.

Ps.    Take it.

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forty years go by with someone laying in your bed,

forty years of things you say you wish you’d never said,

how hard would it have been to say some kinder words instead…”

No one lives on this Earth forever. One day we will all take our final breaths, think our last thoughts, close our eyes for one last time. I don’t want to take the time with the people I care about for granted. Life here, is short. Too short for foolish arguments, dumb fights, and holding foolish grudges. Years are going to shortly turn into memories and “once upon a time”s & soon you’ll be telling your grandkids a story of a person you once knew. A person you once loved.
You’ll remember the good times you shared, the kind words they spoke to you. You’ll remember the bad times you shared, the fiery words that stung during heated arguments.  And you’ll spend that night thinking why you just didn’t walk away from the fight. Why you always thought you had to have the last word. Why you told them you hated them, when you could have reminded them of how much you loved them and how much they meant to you.

I can’t wait until I fall in love because I am going to remember to devote all my energy and time in reminded him how much he means to me. I’m going to love hard until we disappear.

No regrets.

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